The Bottom Rail by verbal shredwright

No response… is a response!

But, does it mean what you think? People say when you don’t get a response that is a response… aka… they do not care about you and are not interested in what you have to say. So, what does that tell you about local businesses, charities, doctors, mental health agencies, etc when someone in crisis gets no response? How about when your neighbors with disabilities are seeking equal income opportunities and employment and they get no response? Still think no response is an acceptable response?

What would you think if you have cancer but the local cancer charities ignore your emails and phone calls… or how about if the local defibrillator charities ignore local survivors injured by them? How about the adaptive programs offered to visitors who can pay but not locals with disabilities who can't? What would you think? What would you tell others about these organizations? What would you think if you knew someone this was happening to? What if it was you? Maybe you should ask why you're not hearing their stories, because the same folks have reached out to some in the local media too.

The stigma is real. The labels and assumptions attached to people who are struggling as being somehow difficult, negative or toxic. These are excuses made by lazy people who see their government or charity jobs as a pay check not a purpose. This is one reason they fail to help as many people as they could. Dragging their feet and complaining about being overwhelmed should be a sign of other human beings in more dire situations than your work load. This is where the "take your problems and go away" crowd of bullies and cowards begin to reveal themselves.

Everybody who has problems got what they deserve… right? After all they chose to be Autistic or get cancer or have a heart attack or something else… right? You don’t know them or their story, but it's easy for the ignorant to make assumptions and judge others before walking a step in their shoes. From first hand experience we know charities and government agencies fail not because they are under-funded, but because they under perform. They under perform because they focus on hand outs often to other charities… instead of a hand up to real families and individuals. It's common sense economics.

We all have heard about the difference between giving a man a fish and teaching him how to fish. But, what about the man who already knows how to fish, but has his access or opportunity to do it taken away? That's what we should be talking about, but that's not the conversation we are having. Some charities and agencies could be employing and creating opportunities for the people in their cause to adapt and thrive, but again that’s not what's happening. Many entities and individuals perpetuate stigmas by concerning themselves with someone's tone of voice instead of the content of what they are saying … or focusing on what people cannot do instead of what they CAN!

If you don’t believe this is happening watch facebook, twitter and other social media. It's not difficult to come across posts about depression, disabilities and mental health that are not positive. Plenty of people say "their door is always open" or "they are here to listen"… but are they? Not… unless they know you or you are already friends. Too often we devalue people we do not know… why would I help a stranger when I can help my friend many ask? What if helping a stranger become independent and they in turn would help many more become independent too… while helping your friend only makes them continue to depend on you?

This is not a joke. This is the truth about how some of your neighbors with disabilities are treated and forced to live. Real people who live here in the mountains and have been disabled here in the mountains are ignored by locals organizations and charities who claim to help people just like them. Some charities are nothing more than fundraising and awarenes campaigns… while more and more people in crisis slip through the cracks.  It is easy for some to discount people they deem difficult to deal with in their opinion. After all everybody's got problems, right? But how would you feel if all your efforts are ignored over and over. Families and individuals with disabilities don't get to go home and turn off their challenges and suffering. So, if the tone of someone's voice hurts your feelings, or makes you turn a blind eye to their suffering… maybe you are in the wrong line of work.

Since economics, depression and other issues impact people with mental health, disabilities, caregivers and more they should have a seat at the table to be part of a real conversation about helping themselves. We need to hear about where organizations and systems fail in order to fix them. Ignoring local people or real problems will not solve them. No one remembers making excuses like we didn't get your emails, or phone messages… and of course they "don't recall" being demeaning or dismissive to some on the phone. Sadly, some individuals and organizations will make this about the truth hurting their feelings to avoid having an honest conversation about action.

So, you're right… no response is a response. It tells people that you are lazy, unprofessional or incompetent at best in a business setting, and when you don't respond to people with disabilities seeking equal opportunities or assistance you're something much worse. Remember the golden rule about treating others the way you want to be treated. If you took the time to contact a business to ask a question… or humbled yourself to ask a charity for help and got no response… how would that make you feel? Experts repeatedly inform us that the #1 form of bullying is exclusion… so what are you when you ignore and exclude people?

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